The time has come......

I thinks it is most obvious that I seem to have blogged less and less. I seem to lack any motivation to do it, so I think for the time being I will not be posting. My life is hectic and my job difficult and takes up my life, and due to the nature of it I wouldn't feel comfortable writing about it on here. I want to say thank you to everyone that has read this blog and has been supportive, particularly in the past year which hasn't been the most easiest.

Best wishes for 2009 xxx

Emily

sporadic

Another quickie post...Since I last posted, I've been slightly run ragged. We've basically settled into our new flat, the bedroom is a bit of a hidey hole for half unpacked boxes, but everywhere else is sorted, kind of. I keep meaning to take pictures, but haven't. I will get down to it..soon I have friends and family after a sneaky peek. I started at my placement, and its ok. I may LJ about it, as blogger isn't really personal enough . Ooh this past weekend I went to see Donovan Frankenreiter play live (Jack Johnsons pal), and it was fab. brb

Sunday update

I've been out of limbo for the last couple of weeks. I started my placement and am kinda enjoying it, although with my 2 and half hour commute (1 way) to uni for half the week and working the for other half, I've been rolling home completely knackered and not getting any outside work done. This week, I'm on half term so hopefully I will get most of the things that I've pushed to one side done.
In other news, we've moved in to our new flat which is lovely (pics to come soon), but although we've been in for 3ish weeks, we're not totally unpacked (another one of my jobs that needs to be done!). Anyway, I'm expected to produce Sunday lunch for M's family, so I better get a move on!

quik

This week has been much more steady, guess I'm getting in to a routine. However, this routine will be out the window by next friday, because we're moving!! Yes, we have a flat and we pick up the keys on thursday. Which is cool! Next week is also the start of one of my teaching placements, so thursday as well as picking up keys and starting on the moving of our items, this is my first day as well....eek!! stayed tuned...

Lodging

News: We may (possibly....who knows) have a new flat...however due to our bad luck with flats this may not happen at all. Basically, we have seen 7 flats, one we had but had to pull out of, others were complete dumps and the last one they refused to let us have it due to me being a student (Oh yeah, seeing as I'm a post-grad training to be a teacher...I'm dangerous). Anyway, our maybe new flat is subject to credit referencing or if that fails a guarantor check. This flat is gorgeous with a bay window and huge kitchen/living room and decent sized bedroom. We are basically guaranteed it...we have already paid application fee money and they have told us its off the market, they need it occupied due to it have been available for quite a while (apparently due to people not turning up but I think due to the price before it was dropped)...so here's to hoping we will finally have a home....with room for a goldfish( Crap, this isn't a I'm pregnant hint, more of I'm not allowed a cat so i may get a goldfish).

Almost Miss.

So I've started my teacher training and it is alot scarier then I thought it would be. Altogether there are about 25 of us with about 8 brits. The rest being Spanish or French. It is alot of work and it gives us credits toward a Masters which means it is harder then anything else we've ever done. However, I'm really really it enjoying for the moment. iIn a week and a half I get my first placement..so in my eyes the first step to getting qualified teacher status. My only real downfall is that I'm leaving home at 7 in the morning and am not returning to half 8 at night due to a 2 and a half hour commute by train...but this will stop soon (hopefully).

I also just wanted to say Good Luck and Congratulations to Judy and her new hubbie!

Picture from:http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/371174/irish_wedding_traditions.html?cat=7

quick update

I finally finished work on saturday, after another mammoth shift, unfortunately I had been really unwell so I had to bow out early of my leaving do...Stayed for the steak and then went back to bed...I know a good time! Unfortunately, I seem to have passed my bug to Mark and my friend...so they now have to deal with it. With one day off after 4 months of 12 hour shifts, I have started my PGCE. This week I am observing in a Primary School, which has been hilarious. Really enjoyable, however I'm glad I'm going to be teaching in Secondary. One kid came up to me and said Miss you have biiiiiiiiiig sleeves..lol. I don't think at 7, she realises it is in the name of fashion.

I also have a new laptop, given to me free from my university..meet Bert.

I have been sick all day, yuck. I woke up, feeling like i had swallowed sandpaper and not enthusiastic about going to work. After several failed attempts of trying to reach my boss, i had to go in and open up...5 minutes after arriving I was trying not to throw up and trying to hold myself together (lack of energy). She finally rang me back, and had plans so was unable to come in so I had to wait till 12 until one of the other girls came in.. I then went home and l(D)ied on the sofa, watching shrek 3 and eating chicken soup...(which unfortunately disagreed with me..yuck)..I now have cheeks that are burning up..apparently this is all due to being over tired. GAH...I thought I had leprosy or something.....

Last day on Sat..woo x

Hens

It's another lazy Sunday. The sun is shining and I am lieing in bed with a sore stomach and a hangover. Last night I went to my first 'Hen Night', what they call elsewhere a bachelorette party or soirée pour enterrer une vie de jeune fille. It was incredibly funny, we headed to New quay (which is tacky, nightclubbish and full of tourists...but hey when in Rome..), and did the usual hennish things, drink, dares (i hugged a bald guy :S) and dancing. It was an experience, not what I would do myself but it was fun and the bride to be seem to enjoy herself. We had booked a minibus to take us there, which was good on the way there but on the way back a mixture of drink and speed bumps made me incredibly queasy, i made it into my friends house before throwing up. I haven't been so embarrassed in quite a while.

Relief

I'm going to be a teacher. Scarey! Everything was confirmed yesterday, so I can stop worrying about my future (for the time being) and get on studying....Relief :).

Blogiversary

It would of been my original blogs anniversary this week...First I was Cornish Frog, and my blog was based on my assistant ship, then I moved back to Portsmouth and my blog changed to BackintheGroove and then finally I changed it to Emily's nutshell after much hassle about why I was continuing to blog. Recently, I have been lazy about blogging..mainly due to fear about jinxing things, and working ridiculous hours so I can't be bothered..oops. But I'm still here 2 years on, much has gone on ups and downs but hey, i'm making the most of it!

Food Meme

I noticed this on MilkJam a couple of days ago and thought I'd have a go.

1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating. (
4) Optional extra: Post a comment here at http://www.verygoodtaste.co.uk/ linking to your results.

The VGT Omnivore’s Hundred:

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet Pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O (Jello shots!)
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong 80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a 3-Michelin-star restaurant.
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab 93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake

Babble

Gosh, I'm loving the Olympics at the moment!! Go team GB! So, apart from watching the Olympics, I have been doing the usual 45 hour week. There isn't alot to report, I'm in limbo..waiting to find out what my next road will be... oh I thought I had a stomach ulcer...turns out it's just stress..oops. We are still living with Marks parents, basically we live in one room and our stuff is around us, its impossible to keep tidy..has anyone read Lucia Lucia..I feel like Lucia at the end of the book with boxes around me of wedding presents (no, we're not getting married..that would be ridiculous). Oooh, talking of books, just read a fab book called The Blood of Flowers...go read! Set in Iran in the 17th century.
* I passed my maths exams which are compulsory for teaching..whoop.

Normality

God, I haven't posted in two weeks. Yes, I'm Slack...but I have a: no real news b: lack of time...seriously. Um..So I got my degree result back..I passed..Just. I'm pissed off majorly and feel that i have wasted 4 years for something which isn't that impressive. I still don't know if I have a guaranteed place in Teaching college because of this crappie mark..and am in limbo. I got promoted at work (not really that amazing..as I can't wait to leave)...but the extra money is being spent well....oops, saving really needs to start. Mark, is still unemployed...no, i am not patient. At the moment I have an urge to run off to France and to find a teaching job...or anything, seriously considering language assistanting in 2009, if i don't get my place on my PGCE this year. I have been out quite a bit recently..those cocktails are goood....also have a new liking for purple nail varnish...yes..I HAVE LOST IT.

A day off (last week)

Hectic

Aaaah...so my life as usual is hectic and mad. Actually it is pretty boring, as I have spent the last 5 days at work and have 2 more until a day off. Busy, Busy but I'm thinking of the money, so I'm trying not to complain(to much). I got promoted at work, well kind of. Basically one of my managers left and they have decided not to search for a replacement until september, So asked me if I would do it, I don't want to stay in September (well, I might change my mind) so this is pretty good for me, though I could have the job permently if I wanted. However, I feel a bit of a bitch due to the fact another girl told me she wanted the job, but they offered it to me and I knew they would never offer it to her, so i took it.. still makes me feel a bit ruthless .. In other news, Mark quit his job. Yes, already. It was shit and they were pretty awful and his contract was asking him to opt out of all sorts of european working regulations. Crossing my fingers he will find a GOOD Job. This has effected our plans, we had found a really cute flat and now we're stuck living with his parents until he finds something gah.

BA (Hons)

Busy Busy Bee. Last wednesday, we went back to Portsmouth for my graduation, after 4 years of hard work, I'm done. Although I graduated I still do not have my classification due to the fact of that leeeetle essay which needs to be handed in by friday. I had a fab couple of days, we actually stayed in Southampton, as it was so much cheaper..due to hotels hiking up the prices for graduation week. But it was still good, I discovered this amazing French bistro (Duck with peppercorn scrummy) which was to die for as well as an italian which served cheesey h0t chocolate (gone off cream yuck) and we even went to TGI Fridays (Ribs yum), so I feel we've been around the world. After 4 years I finally went up Spinnaker Tower, which boasts the largest glass floor in europe
Which boasts amazing views and was definately worth a visit.
We also took my brother to Marwell Zoo (actually I was the one who wanted to go!), which is huge and even though we spent 5 hours there I still didn't get to see the hippos! But the Giraffes were cute! On the saturday, we said goodbye to my family. I always find it sad saying good bye because I can't see them as much as I would like. But I'm grateful they came. In the afternoon we headed back to Portsmouth for my ball, which was an Arabian theme, it was a good night had by all but due to one controlling idiot, my night was kind of dampened..honestly I hate being controlled by pompous stuck up girls, who lie about everything. Anyhow, it was still a good night..although I m needing the next month to recover from it all!

BRB

Turns out I'm turning in to a pretty rubbish blogger. However, I am going to try and update a bit more...basically lots of things in the bag which I don't want to Jinx!!! I'm going back to Portsmouth for 6 days so I will blog when I'm back..... most likely!

watta watta week

I have just realised I haven't posted in over a week. It has been an odd 9 days really, I celebrated my birthday (3 times!). The first time I went out for cocktails and a bit of a boogey..i also threw a bit of a hissy fit when most of my friends were almost 2 hours late....all is forgiven now though! However at the time it cut my night short and i just came home after getting very very annoyed. The following day I had the worst hangover whilst being a work, so i am guessing drink didn't help to my mood! On the monday before my birthday, my boss brought in a birthday cake for me, which was very sweet and then i went out for a couple of pimms and lemonade with a friend.

On my actual birthday, me and a friend went for a picnic breakfast on the beach, followed by a swim and then met up with some other less hardy people for dinner!
Yesterday, however was the best day of all because I went to a Jack Johnson concert in Newquay and even though the weather was AWFUL, it was the best night I have had in a long time.
In other news i have had somewhat of a dilemma recently, some of you will know that I was going to move in with a friend while Mark sorted his finances out. Well recently I have kind of regretted agreeing to moving in with her, not for any particular reason except I would miss Mark to much. Well, this morning we went to visit a house, it was ok...except maybe I'm a snob because it was ex-council, ugly and i thought it was a rip off for the money. I decided i didn't want it and told her that and then it all came out that i wanted to carrying on living with Mark, and I've now pulled out of searching with her. Although I'm relieved by this I feel so guilty that she has to look by herself and she was relying on me..I have no idea how she will afford it by herself. But this means i'm now on major property searching mode again...watch this space.

Deputy Dawg

Good news!! Mark now has a job, as deputy manager in a store. Such a relief, and so much better then his last job....I'm just wondering if this means I get a bigger birthday present!

All at sea

Soft and velvety

This is my gorgeous new bag! I have my graduation in 3 weeks*, followed by a ball. I realised I am so unprepared...but within 2 hours this morning I found the dress and bag!! Good work...I will post the picture of my dress...but may just wait until the event....depending on my excitement levels. I am now totally broke...Luckily I have no outgoings at the mo...otherwise I would be in a big mess! (except from needing 2 more outfits..One for the ceremony and the other for my friends wedding!)

* Yeah, this in fact means I have finished my BA (hons) in French Studies... well I have kinda finished meaning I have one essay that needs to be done and I have a big problem with procrastination at the mo! lol.

Sunday leisure time

I Love being at home so much, that I keep taking pictures!! I think when you live somewhere for most of your life you take for granted the beauty that surronds you . The first picture is the beach called Swanpool, my friend and I take her dog there alot and then grab a coffee and chill out. The second picture is actually the view from the opposite side of the road, the swans are scarey..the male is very protective and I wouldn't like to meet him on a dark night!



BTW: The first picture was taken yesterday! Thats why the sky is different.

Dolphins

Yesterday, I was having a drink outside my local pub when I noticed about 10 dolphins playing in the water, it was pretty amazing and we were amazed they have come so far in land. Unfortunately, we found out later earlier that day around 20 dolphins had beached themselves at one of our local creeks and had died. Apparently, there was nothing wrong with them and they think it could be a whale scaring them or a navy sonar. It is pretty awful and all the volunteers worked tirelessly trying to save them and getting the rest out to sea. It is a shame such a lovely sight, was actually so traumatic.

Link to story

BBC

Video

New Home

I have now said goodbye to Portsmouth for good (well not counting the graduation and ball!). I am staying with Marks parents for the time being, until I can afford to move out, which will hopefully be August/September. It is strange being back in Falmouth, I feel a bit blah about small town living and though am pleased to see everyone, i feel that I'm moving in a different direction from them all. I'm guessing there will be period of adjust ion that I need to get over living away from this town. Positives: I went in to my old work place and i got offered a summer job straight away, so bring on random toys and erotic mugs lol.

Up

I've just had the most amazing weekend. I can't believe I haven't been going out more. I'm now positive that if I had gone out more this year I would probably be 5 times happier! Friday, after my shopping trip (woo to clothes), I went to work (last shift ever= :S + :)) and then went for a meal with 30 people from the School of Languages. It was so much fun, sad knowing that some of them I will never see again but it was alot of fun. God I've missed Mojitos! Then on Saturday, we had a BBQ with some friends and...wait for it....it didn't rain! It was fab night and far to much vino was consumed, but i had a lovely chat with some of my friends in to the early hours and it was so enjoyable. Very emotional, very giggly and just what was needed! Highlight of the night: finding a spider on my foot and seeing my friend run about a mile!

New earrings

New sunnies

Get up off your arse

What does wonders when you are not feeling yourself, is to have a stonking cold! Honestly, its pulling me out of my wallowing hole and I'm actually chirpy, hard to believe!!! Distraction is the key. Also going shopping and finding that you paid half the amount you were meant to due to a cashiers error, oops. NEW CLOTHES!!

forward 1 back 10

I guess I have been in a bit of a hole, dark and scarey. Obvious to all around but me, I'm not totally out of feeling like a complete failure but hell I'm trying to make myself go back to being chilled and unbitch like. I guess I'm on the path to getting a terrible mark for my degree, which is totally crap as I've worked so hard in this past year..I don't know what I'm getting but if I do get a third..I'm not quite sure how I'll react. I have been told it doesn't matter, but god it matters to me...I'm basically so stressed I'm not sleeping..when I do sleep it is interrupted. I've often wondered if I had a rewind button on my life if I would press it, at the moment it would be yes...I would go all the way back .Unfortunately there is no button, so I have to carry on, and stop being so depressing..I want to climb back into my bright and happy world, but everything is so hard.

So Funny

My ban on youtubes is up because this is hilarious and I have to share it!

Turns out my dream isn't so weird after watching an old indiana jones film the same night...oops. Honestly, even disney gives me nightmares.

Dream

I had the weirdest dream last night, I wouldn't normally discuss this but seeing as I rarely remember my dreams and it was slightly weird, i thought someone might know what it means.
Basically, In my dream i decided i wanted to understand my heart, so I cut my chest and pulled my heart out and was investigating it. I couldn't breath and struggled to put it back in and started to worry, and then I woke up...I think this is the weirdest dream I have ever had.

Big Mouth

Tact...is something I am missing in abundance, the landlord has been showing people around for next year and normally I try to be out, because I hate fake conversations and lieing about stuff. Unfortunately today I stayed in and had to greet the landlord and potential rentie, after a tour of the house.l.they spoke to me (bad move!)...i was trying to be positive but managed to kind of put them off the house by saying I had spent the winter freezing and had to buy extra heaters..i then spent the next 5 minutes back stepping to make it all good...don't think it worked.. doh..my poor landlord will never get anyone in here with me opening my mouth.

Football

Pompy Parade
The FA Cup came to Portsmouth, it has been normal for Manchester United/Chelsea/ Arsenal to reach the final, but this year Portsmouth, got to the final and won 1-0 so i took a break from revision, stress and talking to my parents on the phone (added stress...long story and this is going to be a positive post for once) and enjoyed the sunshine! I guess you could say Portsmouth winning the FA Cup is pretty major, the last time they won was in 1939 6 months before the 2nd world war and have held the cup for the longest period without defeat...basically due to the fact there was no FA cup until 1946. So, premier league Portsmouth (though not high in the league) and championship Cardiff got to the final...and excitement has been in the air for the past couple of weeks.
It was amazing seeing people celebrating in the streets, crying and chanting...in a non hooliganish way, got to admit I wish I supported a particular football team.

Everytime my life seems to start looking up, I am dealt another blow. Death seems to be following me this year, and I am doing my best to cope with it....monday morning a family friend passed away it was sudden and very sad..Lung cancer diagnosed 4 weeks ago. but instead of grieving for her it just brought up memories of Sophie.. I've got to the stage when I know life should keep going on and I'm trying my best to not let everything affect me, even though it does. Ashamedly, it has caused death for me to become closer to other friends...sad it didn't happen when she was here.
On a plus I have learnt a new trick of getting Mark to do stuff for me (haha), if i ask its bound to be a no but with a simple text message all sorts of amazing stuff happens....no arguements either. Who needs vocal cords when you can send a text?

AAAAH

If anybody decides to moves to England, lives in the UK or decides to get Internet with Virgin, be warned. They are STUPID. Wednesday, we rang them to give our 30 days notice..to be told we had to pay £80 to end it, even though we are moving to a non cable area....after much arguing (Mark not me...I give up after a while) we still have to pay £80*...Thursday, I tried to ring my brother to wish him happy Birthday to find that the phone wasn't working....i then start a 12 hour shift.....which means neither me or Mark realise that the TV isn't working or the Internet. Friday, back at work get a phone call from Mark saying the idiots had cut TV, broadband and phone by accident...an hour later TV and phone are back..Internet will be back by Saturday...Sunday morning..nothing we ring them..get charged to ring them and are told it is our fault! What??? We then ring again to be told it will be back in half an hour (so not our fault), which doesn't happen...in the end its back but only cause they realised they didn't send the settings to our Internet box...I have a listening exam tomorrow so at last can do some revision!

* I'm thinking if we kick up a fuss about them cutting us off for 4 days, we might not have to pay.

26 days

I am a complete mess, disorganised, burnt from the merest glance from the sun and feeling disillusioned after a crappie mark for one of my write ups (how come in the presentation i did well??).

Monday, I was revising for part 1 of my interpretation exam and realised i was missing half my notes, once i had found them I then realised I had lost the notes that I had started off with, I removed my self from the situation imagine swearing and obscene gestures at an imaginary space. Once I came back I opened my folder and there they were sitting at the top...gah. Then after my exam yesterday, i went slightly doolally and started making up french words and literally translating everything think C'est ne pas mon tasse de tea....whatever I wasted half the exam trying to remember how to spell breathalyser (still spelling??) (ok, it was a interpretation vocab exam....with such words as Water hyacinth....Un Jacinthe d'eau and a Weevel...Un Charanson).. basically my interpretation lecturer likes odd words....Then I had my hour lunch in the sun and then realised was beetroot coloured and had marks from where i had been sitting...punishment for not realising sun cream was already needed (Oh I'm not complaing about the weather though)..

Cuteness

Sent via my phone which is amazing!


edit: apparently not so amazing as its upside down..

Birthday month!

May is one horrible month for peoples birthdays, honestly this week there are 3 and the following there are 2....expensive, or not as I have come to find out. ( plus there are others peoples birthdays...but I'm skint and can't afford to buy everyone something)

My little brother who is going to be 10 (yes one major age gap)...is sorted, and I got him the new Transformers DVD and for my little cousin who is going to be 9 (yeah my parents were young when i came along!) I decided to just buy a book voucher, because what do you give the kid that has everything??(plus I do love my books) Marks dad is sorted because he is still in Oman where he works for the Royal Navy, so he will get something of his choice when he returns. Which just left my two best est buds who are wonderful girlie's but are fashion savvy, have the last make up and bags ( I really want a Radley bag) etc and we do not have the same taste except in jeans. So, I decided to go on to www.snapfish.com where you can make your own posters and if you buy before the 14Th of May you get 50% off (so one free poster!)...I found a bunch of pictures with us all in and made a smallish poster...which cost me for both including p and p £7.00... bargain, and it is such a cool present!

(what I made in miniture is up the top)

flying pigs

It is mine and Marks 5 year anniversary tomorrow, funny how time flys!

Albert Camus was one confused guy

Plans

So it isn't long until I will be saying farewell to Portsmouth and moving 'home', when I say home, it is where i grew up but as my parents live in France I have no family there. I don't know why I have decided to go back to Falmouth but I guess it is where for the moment my heart lies, plus Marks parents live there and I have made him move around quite a bit....and he really wants to go back.

However, it has been decided that although we will stay with his parents for the first couple of months, andI will then move out (because living with his parents is my idea of hell, and it doesn't matter how nice they are to me!). I'm going to move in with one of my closest friends, who has just been through one hell of a break up...think abuse calls, nasty letters and him pretending he was going to kill himself just so she would come round. She needs me after the crap of the past couple of months and she is incredibly happy about it (up to the point of having talks about pink kettles..oh yeh we are classy chicks!)I am pretty excited about it, but I feel pretty bad that Mark is going to have to live with his parents..... for the time being anyway. I think he was hurt when i told him my idea, but he is coming around to the idea and knows that there is no way he would be able to get himself out of debt if we had found a flat together, and that in arguments it doesn't get thrown in my face. (it makes me feel bad and people give me strange looks when i explain our plan...gah).

I however, will be commuting to Plymouth every day for my course which starts in September, a 4 hour round trip(train, train, bus)...but at least its only the first 4 weeks which are uni based and the rest is placements. The only time I have lived with out my family or Mark was when I was 18 and in France...with the assistant bitch..blah. So I'm quite excited about the prospect but nervous...which is ridiculous as I'm old enough to know better. I just hope that when we get back and he realises that I won't be there every night, that he won't get to annoyed about the situation but my other reason behind this is for me to be how I was last year in France and to grow out of relying on someone so heavily.....*

*this comment doesn't mean I want to leave him...but Girl Power and all that!

Good bye Diss!

Heat bound and handed in!
ah relief!!!!

sigh

I'm getting there after 2 years, over 10,000 words, 48 books, hundreds of websites and numerous journal articles my dissertation is almost over, it has been so stressful! Not quite finished...but the introduction and chapter 1 are completely finished and chapter 2, the case study and conclusion just need proof reading....ah can not wait until FRIDAY.

I think my prayers are on redirect.

It turns out that a friend of my grandmothers, who I have known since I was a child has been diagnosed with lung cancer(not smoking related). She has three weeks to live, my grandmother is distraught and I can't handle it, I need to be more supportive and I hadn't rang her this week so she was upset. I don't think people realise that I'm on the verge of having a breakdown, and I can't deal with anymore deaths...unfortunately life isn't listening to me.

* Makes me think maybe I should be more religious, anything right now would be helpful.

Test

oh yeah... life is good when surrounded up roast beef, parsnips, butternut squash and strawberry cheesecake.

Okay?

Ok, just to tell you that I'm not falling apart! I guess the first post of this blog made me sound like I had the whole world on my shoulders and that I wasn't coping well. MOST of the time I'm fine, just looking forward until the world stops being on fast forward and gets back to slow and leisurely with less to stress about and I don't get anymore bad news.

Why?

To many people had found me as backinthegroove, I already had changed blogs once due to alot of anti-blog attitude from my family and them searching for me. I want to write about things that are actually happening in my life and I don't mind most people reading about them. I do mind being criticised when I have never spoken badly of any of my family. I'm no longer an assistant and my life now is far more personal and problematic then it ever was when I lived in France. What is the point of writing and blogging if you can't write how you are feeling in fear of someone being hurt. I couldn't even do a proper post when Sophie died, I needed to get it out and I couldn't. Since then 2 more people have died, not as close to me as Soph but still both people who died suddenly, one at 22 and the other at 18months.. I need to get it out of me and I was being stopped. So here's to a new honest blog, private and away from certain people.