flying pigs

It is mine and Marks 5 year anniversary tomorrow, funny how time flys!

Albert Camus was one confused guy

Plans

So it isn't long until I will be saying farewell to Portsmouth and moving 'home', when I say home, it is where i grew up but as my parents live in France I have no family there. I don't know why I have decided to go back to Falmouth but I guess it is where for the moment my heart lies, plus Marks parents live there and I have made him move around quite a bit....and he really wants to go back.

However, it has been decided that although we will stay with his parents for the first couple of months, andI will then move out (because living with his parents is my idea of hell, and it doesn't matter how nice they are to me!). I'm going to move in with one of my closest friends, who has just been through one hell of a break up...think abuse calls, nasty letters and him pretending he was going to kill himself just so she would come round. She needs me after the crap of the past couple of months and she is incredibly happy about it (up to the point of having talks about pink kettles..oh yeh we are classy chicks!)I am pretty excited about it, but I feel pretty bad that Mark is going to have to live with his parents..... for the time being anyway. I think he was hurt when i told him my idea, but he is coming around to the idea and knows that there is no way he would be able to get himself out of debt if we had found a flat together, and that in arguments it doesn't get thrown in my face. (it makes me feel bad and people give me strange looks when i explain our plan...gah).

I however, will be commuting to Plymouth every day for my course which starts in September, a 4 hour round trip(train, train, bus)...but at least its only the first 4 weeks which are uni based and the rest is placements. The only time I have lived with out my family or Mark was when I was 18 and in France...with the assistant bitch..blah. So I'm quite excited about the prospect but nervous...which is ridiculous as I'm old enough to know better. I just hope that when we get back and he realises that I won't be there every night, that he won't get to annoyed about the situation but my other reason behind this is for me to be how I was last year in France and to grow out of relying on someone so heavily.....*

*this comment doesn't mean I want to leave him...but Girl Power and all that!

Good bye Diss!

Heat bound and handed in!
ah relief!!!!

sigh

I'm getting there after 2 years, over 10,000 words, 48 books, hundreds of websites and numerous journal articles my dissertation is almost over, it has been so stressful! Not quite finished...but the introduction and chapter 1 are completely finished and chapter 2, the case study and conclusion just need proof reading....ah can not wait until FRIDAY.

I think my prayers are on redirect.

It turns out that a friend of my grandmothers, who I have known since I was a child has been diagnosed with lung cancer(not smoking related). She has three weeks to live, my grandmother is distraught and I can't handle it, I need to be more supportive and I hadn't rang her this week so she was upset. I don't think people realise that I'm on the verge of having a breakdown, and I can't deal with anymore deaths...unfortunately life isn't listening to me.

* Makes me think maybe I should be more religious, anything right now would be helpful.

Test

oh yeah... life is good when surrounded up roast beef, parsnips, butternut squash and strawberry cheesecake.

Okay?

Ok, just to tell you that I'm not falling apart! I guess the first post of this blog made me sound like I had the whole world on my shoulders and that I wasn't coping well. MOST of the time I'm fine, just looking forward until the world stops being on fast forward and gets back to slow and leisurely with less to stress about and I don't get anymore bad news.

Why?

To many people had found me as backinthegroove, I already had changed blogs once due to alot of anti-blog attitude from my family and them searching for me. I want to write about things that are actually happening in my life and I don't mind most people reading about them. I do mind being criticised when I have never spoken badly of any of my family. I'm no longer an assistant and my life now is far more personal and problematic then it ever was when I lived in France. What is the point of writing and blogging if you can't write how you are feeling in fear of someone being hurt. I couldn't even do a proper post when Sophie died, I needed to get it out and I couldn't. Since then 2 more people have died, not as close to me as Soph but still both people who died suddenly, one at 22 and the other at 18months.. I need to get it out of me and I was being stopped. So here's to a new honest blog, private and away from certain people.